My Healing Story

The Safe and Routine Procedure

My healing story began with being broken into pieces physiologically. In 2012, I decided I wouldn’t have any more children and chose to have a Tubal Ligation (TL). I worked as a Labor & Delivery nurse then and saw TLs done weekly, completely routine procedures. Every birth control made me sick, so I talked to my physician, other women who had tubals, and read the research available. All pointed to it being very safe and nearly risk free, outside of the usual surgical risks of bleeding and infection. It seemed like the perfect solution to permanent birth control. The research and my doctor promised no hormonal side effects, I wouldn’t even know I had it done. I woke up in the recovery room and was happy that everything went well, and I don’t have to worry about severe side effects from birth control methods or an unwanted pregnancy. After all, I already had two amazing children as a single mum, and that was incredibly fulfilling. I felt very happy with my decision.

The Aftermath of Tubal Ligation

About a week after my surgery, things started to feel very abnormal. I felt brain fog so thick I could physically feel it weigh me down, pain and bloating from the waist down, my legs felt like constantly expanding balloons, extreme mood swings, heavy bleeding with clots, pelvic pain, and that was just the beginning. I chalked it up to surgical recovery and focused on getting better. After the 6-week mark, I was beyond miserable. I could barely function, had severe pelvic pain, heavy bleeding that went on past my period (20 days out of the month), severe cramps, ovulation pain that felt like it would surely kill me, my skin, nails, and hair were dry and braking. I saw my surgeon and communicated the changes to him. He put his hand on the top of my head, like you do to a small child, and said: ‘It’s all in your head, you are just getting older, you stopped birth control, and this is all normal.’ I replied: ‘I haven't been on birth control for over 10 years before the surgery.’ He said: ‘You probably just regret having it done, want more kids and your body made these psychosomatic symptoms…'. Again, I told him that I am very happy I can no longer get pregnant, but that I feel like jumping out of every window from the new symptoms. His next reply: ‘I can put you on birth control’. ‘I don’t want birth control, that’s why I had this procedure and birth control makes me sick’. 'You will probably need a hysterectomy…’. 'Why? What is wrong with my uterus?’. He shrugged his shoulders, gave me no answer other than ‘We can see if it helps’ and I wondered if the hysterectomy didn't work, what else would he try to take out?

Medical Gaslighting, Lack of Self Trust

To say that I was frozen with disbelief and completely ridden with fear of what’s to come in my life, is a severe understatement. Am I now destined to permanently live with these symptoms? Is any of this reversable? Treatable? I knew my surgeon was wrong and that I was right, but having been taught to ‘trust the experts’ who ‘know best’, I pushed my intuitive messages deep down, not wanting to face the horror I felt 24 hours a day. The medical gaslighting went on for 3 years. I saw at least 9 doctors who did dozens of tests, and said I was fine. No one could explain the complete flip in my health post ‘safe and routine' surgery. In those 3 years, my symptoms got so severe, I was not able to function day to day, was on strong pain medication, and had about 20 debilitating symptoms, including suicidal ideations and bruises all over my legs. I even had an exploratory surgery to rule out endometriosis and other issues (which I already knew I did not have). Nothing was discovered, I just had to go through another surgical recovery. My surgeon also offered to sever my uterine nerve to cut the pain communication to my brain. At that point I finally dropped him as my physician and found the one ounce of courage I had to seek my own path out of this. First, I spent several days sobbing in desperation, took time off work and then I buried myself in independent research and connecting to my intuition which I knew contained the answers.

Post Tubal Ligation Syndrome

Throughout the three years, I kept trying to research online what could be wrong and came across ‘Post Tubal Ligation Syndrome’ (PTLS). All doctors that saw me told me that syndrome isn’t real, that women made it up to blame their issues (aging, unhealthy lifestyles, hormone issues, mental issues etc.) on something else. As soon as I read about PTLS, it resonated, but I ignored it. One reason was because ‘the doctor said so’ and the second one was that the fear rising from this knowledge was paralyzing. I really didn’t want it to be true. I spent time convincing myself I was wrong and cleaned up my lifestyle which was already very healthy. Nothing changed. When I felt so desperate that I couldn’t get out of bed anymore, I finally faced the darkness and acknowledged that I must have PTLS. I felt relief and suddenly became energized to get myself better no matter what. I became hyper focused and determined.

I soon found out that PTLS is quite common, and today I am in Facebook groups with over 20,000 women from all over the world with stories quite identical to mine. Women are now offered salpingectomies (removal of fallopian tubes) which have similar impact.

Healing at Last

I must admit, I was a bit embarrassed that it took me 3 years to start advocating for myself, but I finally decided to take charge. I left the mindset of ‘doctor knows best’ and ‘be a good patient’ and ‘if they say you’re just old and crazy it must be true’. I saw a couple of women online getting a reversal surgery. My doctors told me reversal was not possible because tubals were permanent. Only a hysterectomy was possible. This was over 10 years ago, information online was limited, and Facebook groups didn’t exist like today. I started researching Tubal Reversals and found a couple fertility doctors in my area who performed them. Only one would do a reversal for PTLS, the other for return of fertility. I went to see him, scared that he would just say I was crazy again… I was wrong. He looked at me gently and said ‘I am really sorry this has happened to you. I see women like you all the time. About 50% of tubal reversals we do are for PTLS.’ I could not believe what I was hearing and started crying. This was the first doctor that immediately believed me. Why did it take 3 years? Why don’t other doctors know about this? Why don’t they believe us? Why are they taking women’s uteri instead? Why aren't women warned that PTLS is a risk factor of tubal ligations and salpingectomies during their Informed Consent? Why isn't there more evidence based research?

I worked with OB/GYNs every day for years and no one ever mentioned this! And to think that my doctor’s solution was to take my perfectly healthy organ or sever my nerve. I wonder how many women had their organs taken out and their nerves severed over the 30-year career of just my OB/GYN? Now multiply that by all doctors that do this. Just this realization broke down my trust in our medical system. I  was furious about our medical system, my own doctors’ ignorance and gaslighting. But that didn’t matter anymore, I now saw a light at the end of the tunnel, I listened to my gut and booked a reversal surgery on the spot. The recovery after reversal was brutal, but I soon started feeling like myself again. Brain fog lifted within days and 80% of PTLS symptoms were gone within a few months. I was able to get off all pain medication within 3 months. My insurance didn’t cover any of it and it cost me well over $5,000.

How does my PTLS Journey tie into Breathwork and Coaching?

By the time the three years had passed, I was so broken, physically, mentally, and emotionally drained and in pieces. The father of my children passed away a year after my tubal and I could barely cope. Before that, I went through a number of traumatic experiences that I buried down as deep as possible, thinking if I work hard at never thinking about them, it will be fine. Just keep on moving on.

Searching for healing, having a new sense of control and self-empowerment, exactly 13 days after my Tubal Reversal surgery I showed up for an hour-long introductory session to Holotropic Breathwork. My pain was still 8/10 and I was desperate to get to my healthy self, ready to try anything. This time, I would only do what felt right to ME, not what anyone in a white coat said.

The hour of Breathwork music felt like 15 minutes, the sense of time and space was completely dissolved. I saw my uterus like a big ball of fire in my pelvis, my traumatic moments from a few years ago started processing out of my body through a waterfall of tears, I felt profound forgiveness, to myself and those that hurt me (including my doctors), oneness with all beings, my pelvic pain slowly releasing, deep sense of knowing everything would be ok and I would regain health. Love is everything and everything comes from love. I am love. I am freedom. I felt light and free, with my arms like wings, flapping and flying… forgiveness and healing. Finally. I immediately signed up for an all-day workshop, then another one, and another one… The rest is history.

The Hope and the Dream

I have been practicing meditation and breathwork since and became a Breathwork Facilitator to bring this modality to everyone who seeks healing, self-empowerment and answers to life’s questions. My hope is to help ignite global healing through ripple effect. I also know that working hard on integrating insights from Breathwork is what brings on lasting, transformational change and so becoming a Health Coach was a natural progression.

My path to healing was neither short nor easy, but so worth it. I still struggle with health challenges, remnants of the 3-year ordeal, but I am able to manage them pretty successfully, continually learning and practicing new healing modalities and pursuing the highest level of health. I was also able to use my hard-earned health autonomy to advocate for my daughter’s healing two years later. I spoke up when she was misdiagnosed and dropped every doctor that was not listening to us. I let my intuition and newly found confidence guide me. Without my prior experience and ability to do independent research far beyond our mainstream medicine, giving myself permission to question medical doctors and their displaced authority over our body, I may not have been able to help her or myself.

We ourselves are in charge of our own health, happiness and who we want to be in this world. I will always be grateful.